Coffee break: The Zen pensioner says ...

Someone told me that this is Zen wisdom, but it sounds to me like what everyone knows who lives to collect a pension:

1. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

2. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

3. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

4. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

5. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

6. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away - and you have their shoes.

7. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

8. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.

9. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

10. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

11. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

12. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

13. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.