Coffee break! Coffee break! Monkeys and fairness

Columnist Lori Borgman takes a run at capuchin monkeys' theories of fairness:

What I'm waiting for is the day when monkeys do research on humans. "Look at that, Cheeta, they're fighting over some piece of paper called a paycheck. Dude 2 says Dude 3 got a bigger one. Wow! Dude 2 is turning red and his eyes are bulging! Look at Dude 3 scream. What apes!"

And then the researcher monkeys laugh their little heads off, throw cucumber slices at the humans and eat more grapes.

Attention all human research subjects: Repeat fifty times, "Cucumbers are GOOD! Cucumbers are BETTER than grapes!!"